No more tears

I told myself I'm not going to cry anymore.

I had a very rough day and wrote a poem for the first time in awhile.

Title: No More Tears
Written by: Luchetta Manus ©2018

I can't cry anymore
Tears filled reservoirs
Dried up sores on my heart

I can't cry anymore
It doesn't change anything
Leave me hoping
After the last tear is flowing
I'm left with the reality of knowing
That tears are just temporary relief

I can't cry anymore
Because I had to woman up
I grew up
clutching being wronged
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
My theme song.

I can't cry anymore
Because it makes me weak
Venerable to those who prey
On draining me
of life and of love and
And the blessings God given me
From above.
In adult skin the child within
Screaming for peace and relief
And acceptance

I can't cry anymore because the Lord collected my tears in Golden bowls
Wiped my face dry lifted me high

And put an end to strife

Interview

Poem Title:The interview
Written by: Luchetta (Cookee) Manus ©2018

Its raining out
I' want to walk
And cry
tears flowing from my eyes
I feel the guilt
I'm the author of my own demise
The rain hides the tears
but never camoflauge the heart's pain
salt stains on my cheeks will wash away
I have searched for love in muck and mud because that is where they say the lotus grow
I have become aquainted with pinocchios and kissing frogs, climbed bean stalks
Battled giants, and tyrants 
and this poem came to mind
answering a simple question
Luchetta have you been in love, explain how love should be?
My answer...
I have loved, yet love evades me

Pleasanties

Poem title: Pleasantries
Written by: Luchetta (Cookee) Manus November 15, 2018©

Dead voices of times past resurrect themselves giving mental chaos of times  present.
Now...
Silencing them is like trying to make quiet a massive crowd at a music concert. The desperate pleas to stop talking aren't heard over the noise of the chants and screams.

The voices utter

How many times have you tried and failed?
How many times have you had to start over?
Has anyone ever loved you ?

Seems to be the melody played daily to a conscious mind needing rest, hope, and love any love but yet not just ANY love. 

All the while a smile drapes across the face perfectly with perfection,  not a trace of the inner anguish present.

This comes with years of experience. The practice of wearing a mask which covers the unimaginable.

However, you can't conceal the longings of a heart which  everyday becomes increasingly readable.
Years of containing the unthinkable inside because, after all does anyone REALLY care right?

They offer their thoughts and prayers and go  with their own lives unaware of the slow inner death of thousands of smiling faces, the walking dead.

Not superwoman

Poem Title: I'm a pastor not superwoman (Pastors need love too)

Written by: Luchetta Manus 2018

Hi, my name is Luchetta and I'm fine
Nevermind the fact I was attack and I had to act as if nothing happened
i don't want my faith is on the line

Hi, my name is Luchetta and I'm ok
Even though at my dismay
I laid my head on a someone's living room floor leaving what I once called home
because I had no where to go
I wanted to feel safe

Hi my name is Luchetta and girl I'm strong me crying will only prove I'm weak
to a church folk who feel
even though I bleed
there is no need to express
PAIN
discomfort
even grief
As a pastor
I'm NOT allowed to cry in public
I hold the tears back till my eyes are dry.

Hi I'm Luchetta and if I express that my car is just as unrepairable as my marriage
I failed somehow
those who look up to my Godly image
Say I am no longer blessed
As if I caused all the messes

Just what if devil just does his best
To get me off focused

No !
I'm Luchetta and I'm good.
My phone never rings
I'm expected to give all my burdens to the Lord and stay silent
Isolation and inside if me is dying
one little sign of weaknesses
scuffs out my light
And compromise my witness
So I give other people hope
while I'm dying
trying to hold it together

No matter what the weather
Stormy, sunny , winter fall
I go through it all
with a fake smile on my face
Knowing one day
This part of my life will be erased
when someone asks," Luchetta are you ok?"
I'm obligated to say ,"Yes."