THE RANT

Inner demons

Got my soul screamin

cold emotions, twisted thoughts,and

confused feelings

wrestling in my mind to keep strong

at birth what went wrong?

was born

left alone

heart cried sad songs

i'm livin funeral of my own

Sleep walking, feeling vunerable

Damn! What happend?

Can't see through those rose colored glasses

Poverty,unemployment, people hatin me

Got me snappin

I'm keepin faith

praying not to break

MOST PEOPLE I KNOW LOOK LIKE SHEEPS, ACT LIKE SNAKES

I have been distinctively thinking

why people can't fatham

how great I am

I'm quite the intellectual

super sensual

only REAL PEOPLE FEEL ME THO

Nice face and frame

Haters go insane

Hey say my name, say my name, say my name

like beetle juice

poetry that speaks truth

My name will bring about change

I'm a real woman

not many around roamin

I handle my business

can somebody be my witness

This is for you,don't miss this

Reallity check

Check one,check two, check three

noone like me

they can duplicate, make fakes

Haters on Earth are crazy,

baby

People gone wild,need taming

No jobs,no money,no eat

no shelter, no clothes,no heat

Jesus save my city

I could rob, I could steal, I could cheat

make ends meet,

me you can't blame

But, I don't

I keep alive hope and faith's flames

Burning down in me

I pled sanity

They get angry with me

Cause they don't see what I see

In the mist of chaos,I seek God's beauty

i promote unity

They seek vanity

They came,they saw,they went,

Their dignity spent

Short changed

trading talents for unlasting riches

of their soul to this

world for less then their worth

sank low came one with dirt

Thank God for redemption, rebirth

thank God everyone is worthy of rebirth

Heel Diggers

Low self image

Brought on by abuse and love diminished

Made unwise, unhealthy decisions

Trying to out run my past

Trying to maintain forward livin

Yeah, I did it!

All that they said I did

I done what they said I did,

but I am not who they SAY I AM

Damn

They are all wrong

I now dance to redemption's tone

They don't wanna let me forget

They wanna drag me down failures pitts

Want me to reflect on memories, negativity, that was old me

Paul said,"When I try to do good evil is always present,"

When I try to live my best is when

There is someone always bringin me down

some fool, clown

I answered God's call, so fuck all of ya'll

Fuck ya'll who say I don't deserve to be happy

Fuck ya'll who say I can't be somebody

Fuck ya'll who think I think of myself too highly

Fuck ya'll who say I ain't who SAY I AM

I'm that lil engine who "Thinks she can"

Fuck ya'll wanna bes

Devine calling summoned me

Because I answered you spew jealousies

My destiny awaits me

umm to me so tasty

People hate me

Cause I learned to love me

Fake as they wanna be

God still invested talent in me

NO MAN WILL TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!

Faith and Grandma(Mary E. Peoples) I dedicate this to my grandma and happy people haters

I refuse to live in someone elses prison

Won’t allow you to put me in it

My mind stays free,

 my freedom was due me

Was a long time coming

I refuse to live in your box, packaged

 all nicely with your bubble  wrapped and

 mind warped insecurities, jealousies

and talented untapped

You hate me because I’m free

You hate me cause I’m me and not you

I make choices, I choose

I am a daughter of destiny

This is where destiny lead me

To be free

You stay in solidarity

My grandma is gone

And from that moment on

I remember her last words she told me

She said “Chet be happy”

Life is too short

Short as previews, the nightly news

While you hatin on my

drive to succeed has nothing to do with you

I gotta live my life through

Exploring horizons, valley, cities, avenues

I paid my dues

I paid my fees to be mentally free,

Don’t judge or hate me.

When you look at me you see a smile

You don’t see my heartache

 once in while

You see things going my way

But, it wasn’t always this way

Hansel and Gretel followed the trail of tears I left

From the pain

I come from a lot of pain

Which I turned around to make me sustain

Life’s tragedies

Replacing, maneuvering,

To get to where I need to be

Running towards destiny

Stop hating on me

You wouldn’t have wanted to walk in my shoes

The bottoms of the soul was worn

Heart torn

Hard work and prayer and my sworn

Oath to live happy

My grandma said ”Chet be happy”

And not you or anybody can stop me

ELECTIONS

 

Wake up!

or forever dwell in the dark
paying astronomical costs
content with being lost

we failed before we got started
... false impressions we were smarter
humans failed managing humanity
poverty, hunger, chaos, and calamities
devouring purposed filled lives journeys
for many
destruction of choice by a few
decisions

WAIT!

I want to make it to the greener side

Feels as though I’m running outta time

Tic toc

Tic toc

Hear the sound of my beating heart

My pride my faith

I wanted to form my lips to say, "I finally made it."

The sand is sifting to the last particle in my hour glass

Roosters are sounding

The day has began

He shows annoying appearance
Church bells blaring
time is as sparse as the air
I breathe
I’m running behind destiny
I need more time to complete me
Hold up!

Wait a minute!

GIVE ME A SECOND!
First half of my life was painful and wreck less
Second half cleaning my messes
I need more time to embrace destiny's caresses
Be all I can be

Heaven,

Quick please,

Save me!
The pressures are caving in
My vital signs are faint

Yet, I’m attentive
Trying to resuscitate this life

I’m barely living
If I judge my life from its beginning

there will be no happy ending
people want see me fail
Crab in a barrel syndrome
When I die my soul will still be livin
Speak to my children of my existence

My life
seeing from my vision my insight
Hoping they have time for their own destiny's plight

THE MAN WHO HAS EVERYTHING

wish I had someone to cherish
who will comfort my soul unlock passion
someone who wants me, like I need him
destroy the walls I built

allowing him to walk in
... i wish I had someone to share life's victories
we'd write our our stories
create history
he'd say "i want" and I will say "yes you may"

cause only a real man can get me docile that way
its ok

 he'd be king of my heart, the ruler of my affection

 to me he'd be perfection.
We'd share in life's victories, write our own stories
histories, love's glories
-wriiten by Luchetta (cookee) Manus

He Reminds Me of Romantic Music (Reflections of a date)

He reminds me of  romantic music

with a certain sleekness embodied

The insight to see right through me

Brings me to my next level

In his presence on a pedestal

He reminds me of the smooth sound of the sax

young, energetic

intelligent

I ponder the words he speak

I'll never forget

The planets aligned

The moon shined

Was this a sign?

He reminds me of the depth of poets

His talks are three dimensional

Subliminal

A unplanned something sensual

He doesn't even know it

Allows a certain foreplay

Sex delayed

Sensual torment

Desires keep dormant

Till his hands stray

for the first touch

 It’s never enough

He reminds me of the flow of rhythm

Not too many men left like him

A rare gem

The strength of a bass drum and tin

He reminds me of romantic music

He is debonair, honorable, and above pettiness

He reminds me of a romantic song

filled with soothing happiness

Looking forward to seeing this brotha again

?

Do People know how to love anymore?

What is out purpose? What are we here for?

Storms close windows

Love opens doors

Hearts waxed cold

Saying, “Love is old.”

A thing of the past

Over time the concept of love dwindled

Fast

Quick

Get ya lighters up

Better yet, ya cell phones

Hold a memorial

Cause love is gone

It’s legally dead

Love took shots to the chest

People concealing love

Like booze to Elliot ness

Without love we can’t breath

Being loveless is a debilitating disease

Humanity wishing on stars and

Praying on their knees

For it

Can’t ignore its importance

No one can live without it

Willing to die for it

Where do broken hearts go?

No one knows

But without love

Humanity dies slow

Ramifications

When Darkness hits

Souls are sold to the abyss

No way of returning

Lost souls mourning

Decisions made out of ignorance

Eyes blinded by mystics

Death imminent

A Father’s heart torn

By oaths sworn

No way back home

Deceitful lies

Cutting off familiar ties…

Of your original birth origin

Behaving abnormal

Temples defiled

Perception distorted

But people ignore it

Pretending not to see

Warfare for the fallen

Battlefield like dreams

Strategizing cleverly

Maintaining the homeostasis of the Heavenlies

Two sights fight for authority

Prestige, power, and glory

Writing histories stories

Cross this line I double dog dare ya

And when done

The ramifications are scary

Almost demonic in nature

Wondering whose hand you left fate to

My child only if you knew

What you choose, will cause you to lose

GAME OVER

No sequel to this story

Moral

Never compromise your glory

The Waltz

I danced with the devil

Missed God by a few steps

Had to go back and repent

Hypnotizing, mesmerizing, compromising

What I possess inside

When I wept doves cried

Too weak to wipe my eyes

Way too tired to try

Weeping cleanses the mind

Refresh the soul, helps you to grow

Bold

Yet no one knows

No one knows me truly

They think they do, because I peak their curiosities

Arriving at their own conclusions of me

Their generalities

Stereotyping me

Wanting to keep me confined

In their lil boxes

Unwillingness to move beyond

Destroys the minds

Drawing from wells without water

Willing to live blind

I’m persistent

Like my God in Heaven, I speak things into existence

Into space, time and distance

What is good for the body isn’t always good for the mind

Pushes the heart and spirit aside

Left cricked, tangled, and entwined

Nowhere for the soul to dine

The soul needs spiritual food

Solid meat

More substance than occasional body heat

Soul and mind entities

Run spiritually deep

The body a couch

The soul and heart

Love seat

Smitten

Smitten,

Passion,

Gentle kisses,

Seduction in his eyes, strips away my pride,

seducing words, reduce my emotions to butterflies,

Tickles my soul, makes me smile and giggle like a child.

Haven't known him long, yet the encounters are strong.

Praying not to be away from that amazing man too long.

Conversations, imaginations, flowing

He left me wide open, my inner self showing

It's been a long time, since someone came along, and stimulated my body and mind,

Make a sista write rhymes, feeling sublime

He's no game talkin, no line kickin, being who he is left a sista smitten

Like Kuwait, he took over, conquered me in no time, if he chooses to stay behind

I'd offer my heart

A real and honest brotha from the start.

He's gorgeous, full lips with a beautiful smile, leaves me docile and breathless

Nigga made a sista trow away her checklist

None needed

He succeeded, above and beyond my wants and needs,

consuming my thoughts

Will patiently wait, in time,

hoping he'd become completely mine

My thoughts about the "N" word( This is only pertaining to artistic expression) people will be mad at me, but oh well!

People are gonna be mad at me for this one....but as an artist I get asked about the profanity I use sometimes in my poetry, or the graphic content on some things I have written Here is my answer.When I write, I write from my own life, from experience, and I put a lot of heart and soul into my work. It expresses who I am the good, bad, and the ugly. Let's face it, if you can find a perfect person....your're lying!

Someone asks me the question of, "What I think about the end word?" So, when my answer answer was, "I don't feel anything," the young lady felt insulted because I didn't take a strong stance against it.

Let me explain why, "I don't feel anything." Burke is one of the thinkers I hold in high esteem Burke says, definition of man states: "Man is the symbol-using (symbol-making, symbol-misusing) animal, inventor of the negative (or moralized by the negative), separated from his natural condition by instruments of his own making, goaded by the spirit of hierarchy (or moved by the sense of order), and rotten with perfection.

There are two types of meaning denotative and cognitive meaning. Denotative meaning is the literal meaning, what the dictionary says that a certain symbol is. Then there is Cognitive meaning, which is the emotional value tied into a word. For example dog: 1. A domesticated carnivorous mammal this is the Denotative meaning. dog: A man who cheats, this is cognitive.

Over time, most of the time, words cognitive meaning changes. The literal meaning usually stays the same.

Being that I write, I write poetry, and I am a spoken word artist, I used a lot of words. For me, I use words more cognitively. I am completely against censorship.

How could a writer and a poet believe in censorship? To me words are strongly used to display in the mind a colorful picture of what I am talking about.

I believe a person has the artistic freedom to express whatever they feel. When I say expression, I am simply talking about dislpaying how they feel as long as it does not include phyical contact to harm another person.

If you are in the KKK and you hate people, you have every right to express your hatred for other races artisticall in print etc.

If you are a Christian, you have every right to express your love for Jesus too.

If you believe in abortion tou have the right to express it.

If you don't believe you have to right to express it.

I believe in the freedom of expression even when it does not agree with my own beliefs because everyone has that right. Right or wrong it is up to their creator who they answer to.

If we share a society of different people with different beliefs,and silence some, and allow others to speak, because we feel it is "RIGHT," then we are involved in a type of dictatorship and we are being biased beleiving that only a few people possess the ability to be right and are allowed to express that.

Some of my poetry has cursing, some is erotic in nature, some of it is spiritual, some of it very negative, some positive. My poetry simply "Expresses" what I am feeling at a patricular time.

I'm allowed. It's my freedom my choice!

So, I went around the world to say this, Someone asks me the question, "What do I feel about the word nigga, nigger," My answer, "I don't feel anything, it's just a word, It doesn't define me in any way, I know a couple of 'em lmfao, but it doesn't bother me people need to stop being so sensitive. If it doesn't apply to you let it slide. Artist all the time Lil, Wayne, Kanye West, Jay Z, all the time in music used the word. Is it right for them...their choice. Does it affect me in the slightest nope, cause I'm not a nigga lol

Censorship

Society is growing violent by the minute
Yet you tell me "Censor it!"
Like a child, I say, "But why are they allowed?"
Why are they allowed to make the gorie movies
write music of bizarre fantasies
but you want me to, "Censor it!", when it comes to my realities
You want me to censor the brutality, distort my reality, of how bad I grew up
Speaking out, someone else can have better luck!
Than me!
God as my witness, I asked for forgiveness,
I can't tell you a lie
I should have been rotting in hell
For some things I did in my life
now, I'm not ashamed to tell
The beauty of having a past, it's the past
The past doesn't last
the past moves forward to become the present and my is future better
I was raped, molested,men used me and took me for granted, but you want me to paint a "Pretty picture"
of a perfect life which never existed.
I ran around in my crew, doing thing young ladies should never do, but you want me to be quiet, stay silent
"SSSSHHH"
I was always rejected, as a child was neglected,
starved of love
Only thing which kept me sane was God above
You want me to pick up my pencil, write about my few sunny days
not so simple
People are dying of madness, chaos, and disease
you want me to be like Bob Ross, and speak of "Happy lil trees."
My trees weren't happy, destructive behaviors, self hatred growing like weeds.
Shut up Luchetta, nobody wants to hear that much about ya, but like Milli vanilli,
 "Girl you know it's true"
I tell my story to help the youth, help people stop crying, keeping people from slowly dying inside,
talk about the
ugly you won't talk about...to change and help the next brotha and sista out

The Bullshit that wipes out humanity

Poem title: The Bullshit that Wipes Out Humanity

Written by: Luchetta (Cookee) Manus

©2013

Famine in the lands

We can clone animals in a labs

People are starving for lack sustenance

I don't get it or understand

Missiles are created occasionally

Pointed at us

Only the strong survive  

The weak die daily

 

 The wealthy stay alive

 Feeding their over abundant lives

 And they're  greedy

 Poor are in need and depleting

 

 There is something wrong with this land

 When a rapists spends less time in jail

 Than a man who owes child support

 Or a killer gets off of life time imprisonment

 While a man rots who sold a rock

 

 Teachers engaging in lessons with students

 Which should never be taught

 Mangling their young minds

Destroying the process of healthy thought

 Road rage

People shooting cause you cut them off

Driving down a street

This stuff is deep

 

 It's that bullshit that wipes out humanity

 

 When police can club you down on the streets

 Videotaping is your only relief

 For police brutality to cease

 What if there was no one around to see?

 

 Ever drug made has a dangerous side effect

 Drug companies make millions off of insurance neglect

 Seniors pay more for their meds

 Than their living expenses

 People work without insurance...too expensive

 

 

 

 We live off of what media tells us

 We never question it

 We trust what the government

  Says is true

 

 Ohhh only if you knew

 

 We find money to travel to space

 Can't find the money for a homeless person to stay

 

 We cut funding for programs

 Wonder why our kids run wild

 Our children having child

 Delinquency back in style

 

 

 The bullshit that wipes out humanity

 

 Our country's sickness and insanity

 Our attitudes

 We obtain more than we need to use

 Wasting resources others need

 

 Our weather is out of control

 We are abusing our natural resources

 and it's taking a toll

 

 On you and me

 our earthy scenery

 

Someone help us

help me

 

Before bullshit wipes out humanity

Around the world and back

It has been a long time my friend

all that time you spent away

when I see you, only felt like yesterday

It feels like you never left, after coming back

Where ever your hands are

That's where I want to be at

You know things about me noone else does

yet, you don't judge

my mind takes me back in time

memories untwined

of me and you

you were my first love.

The first one who took the virginity of my heart

The first one who really mattered when you tore it apart

Although there have been others

none was a close as you, my homie and lover

make me wonder

No questions asked tho

your're here at last

dispersing the breath from our past

on me

hopefully, here you'll stay, we'll see

noone could ever take your place in my heart, and my head

noone could ever fill your space in my bed

it's good to see you back old friend

Songs which make me think of you

Don't rock that boat, I wanna let it float

He can ring my b...e...l...l...s he can ring my bells

All my life I've been good, but now ohh I'm thinking What the hell

He said lay down and tell me what's on your mind

I'll be your comforter

I miss that man time after time

We be cheatin in the next room

All I do is think of you

I'm still waiting

I'm willing to forgive you, but never forget

Because, it feels good loving somebody, when somebody loves you back

Hat to the back,

pants hanging low, baby let go

I always think of you on two occasions,

I can tell you how I feel about you night and day

Come rub me the right way, like Johnny Gill

Like Stephanie Mills, there's something in the way you make me feel

Tell me it's real

Because all my life, I prayed for someone like you

I wanna eat!

 

Men don't want me

Women love to hate me

Haven't felt a lot love lately

Starvation is crazy

Needing libation

I haven't felt loved lately

Hey!

What does love feel like?

I can't remember it has been so long

What went wrong?

My soul's longing for compassion for

My hearts sake

Drowning in tears

enough to make create a lake

Hunger pains

Hurt pumped through my veins,

Liquid liars, deceitful people, and the users who pull the strings on my heart

Like a puppet

Evil people!

Not being feed enough of love

Wanting something meaningful

It hurts being hungry

Left for dead

I'm hungry

Love craving

I’m lonely

Momma may have, papa did!

It's not the same anymore

I been pondering what purpose is,

What the hell are we here for.

Momma didn't love me well,

life was hell, I have a dark past

Maybe one day I can tell

you

Boo!
God bless this child who never had her own, they left me feeling alone
left me to my own devices
The love I needed from them and never got would have been priceless!
Damn it! my hearts Famine

My past is frightening, Keeps me up crying occasionally nightly

My past bites me

on the ass

need a shot for the virus before it spreads to my kids,

rabies.

Memories are like mini movies playing in my head never fading, premiering, daily

When they should be disappearing.

The ones who didn't love and protect me, left me vulnerable

The streets raised me, made my conscious crazy

looking for ways to tame
 my mind.

Looking at my kids, wondering when they had kids, how could they do what they did?

how could you kill a child's spirit dead

Took part of the life I was trying to life

without taking my breath

transformation

I am changing.

I am metamorphosing into something

I don't recognize

Wisdom fit like, fancy shades on my eyes

I am eccentric, confidence has transformed me into something different

and I love it!

I love myself, love the sparkle in my eyes, no need for disguises

I made up my mind to love myself

I have a happiness, growing and strecthin, catch this, I can't be caught

Go girl, go! is is the chantin' I hear in my heart

and the beat doesn't stop, It goes on and on

Setting my stage for an amazing tone of

magnificence and accomplishment

So, this is what grandma meant!

When she spoke of a word called happiness

Define

Define

Define the confusion my body has of you with my mind

I wish I could sing
I wish I could sing melodies, so ear pleasing

I can't sing, so my poetry sings for me

It sings of intimacies, our bodies clinging

to one another

My insatiable desires for you make me not want another

It sings of highs I get of your touching

bumping, griding

Blowing me outta my mind and

a stallion in bed is hard to find and

But your not mine

Your not mine

I share you from time, from time to time

you are mine

the other time you're hers

makes my body hurt

my body tho, not my mind,

because my heart right now is untwinded

from the feelings I have in- side of you, excuse me, or was it the thought of you in-side me

You seduced me through and through,

 I compare them all of them to you

and they fail.

What's a woman to do?

Erie

It's ok to love Erie. It's ok to love your community

It's ok to want togetherness and unity.

It is ok to want violence to cease, be reduced to the fiction you see on t.v.

It's ok to want peace not to be a distant memory.

It is only right to care for one another.

To have love for your neighbor, for one another.

It is a great thing to promote un* it* ty

wanting a safer, happier place for you* and* me!

You should be commended for being involved

Vote, go to those meetings, that's how community problems are solved.

It's not old fashion to want to keep our hometown closeness, but upward mobility

it's ok to want respect, employment, good schools for your city

It's positive thing to stick together, rid ourselves of descriptions, which gave our city a bad name.

Let's get rid of Mistake on the Lake , out with Dreary Erie,

Change the negative mind sets, create new theories

What do we in Erie want to be known for?

A small city with a lot of big things in store.

By Luchetta Manus

Another Planet

Poem title: Another Planet
By: Luchetta (Cookee) Manus


I feel like I was dropped off on another planet
Things aren't the way they should be
looking back on how I grew up.
I've taken a lot for granted
Do you remember love?
When love was something you showed off like a new car
Compassion for others
A love for one another took you far
Do you remember when our children played?
They didn't know the East side from the West side
Simple arguments lead to fist fights
later you got along, and the anger subsides
Do you remember when parents used to care?
looking out for their children
doing right by them
what was fair
protecting them for the dangers out there
Out there in a world which I no longer recognize
Do you remember when teachers cared about your future ?
taught you lessons
passing down the wisdom
you learned to be true to ya...self.
Do you remember when grandma was full of wisdom?
steered you into making the right decisions
Now grandma is 20!
Not enough life experience
to tell you how life should be
Do you remember hearing the laughter of children playing?
now being replaced by computers, iPods, and cell phones
the imagination slaying of the youth.
cardboard boxes replaced by electronics
we lost innocence, and that’s the truth
I feel like I was dropped on another planet
Things aren't the way they should be
looking back on how I grew up
I have taken a lot for granted
Do you remember when women were strong and sassy?
Having enough love and respect for herself
to want something worthwhile, and lasting.
Their bodies were more than objects
 more than toys
used and abused for the enjoyment of so called men,
who are merely boys
Do you remember when men were men?
 provided for their families
guarded their homes
 being protectors like lions to  their dens
Do you remember when the strength of a man wasn't measured by the aim of a gun?
He held a job
he stayed home
took care of his loved ones
Do you remember when college was cool?
it was good to be in school
You worked with pride
had a confidence in our stride
When those who had more gave to those who had less
Those who had less did their best to break the cycle of poverty
all this bothers me because I remember when...
We were a strong people
who were treated less than animals
wanting to be treated with respect, justly, and right
Our forefathers put up a fight for our freedom
to be treated as people
is this what freedom bought us?
I feel like I was dropped off on another planet
Things aren't the way they should be
Looking back on how I grew up
I've taken a lot for granted

Love series

Gift of love (My series of thoughts on love)

I have been granted the awesome opportunity as a human being of being a parent.

I have four kids, which over the years,  I have tried to find a sense of balance in the mad and twisted world of parenting. There were no manuals given to me to me to follow. No programs I could use to trouble shot, and when you get advice from people all of it seems to be contradicting at times. So, when I was blessed by these lives  I had to mold, I wanted to make sure I did right by God by making sure I became the best parent I could be, because after all he LOANED these souls to me. When my children were younger it was soo much easier. The challenges they faced in earlier years are far different from the challenges they face embarking on adulthood, and if that isn't enough times and the economy has put a monkey wrench in my parenting style and program. Keeping your kids off drugs, from selling drugs,from teen pregnancy, and running the streets are increasingly hard challenges for even the best of parents. Kids surroundings these days are negative. Give our young people credit! What is due to them for trying to do the right thing in a world which punishes their efforts. Wrong is easier sometimes and less problematic. Where does a parent's love end and begin? The answer to me, is it should never end. Some people believe when a child is the legal age of 18 they should automatically make sense out of life. Venture off and take care of themselves, provide for themselves, look after themselves, know what to do with themselves, all because they have reached the magic number of 18. I feel we do our youth an injustice when we don't aide(not make dependent) them into adulthood. Being a good parent doesn't say move out you're 18 you need to do this on your own now. Growing up is a process and if we send our children out into a world ill equip, they are doomed to fail as successful adults. You don't automatically know how to do everything which is required of you by becoming 18. A parents jobs are never ending, you don't relinquish your parental rights when your child turns 18. The only thing which changes is the dynamics of your parent son/daughter relationship. The economy is bad enough for those of us who have been grown for years and had practice keeping our heads above water. How much harder do you think it is for those adults just starting out in life. Love your children to give them a chance to go out successfully and be stable. Don't let love end on their 18th birthday.

I am apart of a Church without walls, a non-denominational Christian

Today's Christian want to feel valued. I personally do not claim a denomination. I am non-denominational, which means one thing, I love and believe in God and possess a relationship with him. Church does not define it. I can't tell you to go or not to go, however I will discuss my own true feelings on this issue. Being, I was raised  a Christan , I have grown to love, have respect for, and  have a relationship with God (Regardless of what anybody else feels or think, thought I should add that in there).
When I was younger, I wanted to pursue my desire to be a minister of the gospel, so I enrolled in seminary and graduated with a BA in church ministry(Unfortunately the degree is useless to the outside world, equivalent to basket weaving). I also hold a minister's license(ha ha I know I know your laughing, however it is true). I wanted to change the world, and and spread the gospel, because God had done some wonderful things in my life.
I was unloved, molested, raped, neglected, and I wanted to make sure the world knew that there was a God who cares and I am living  proof.
My endeavors of becoming a minister had slowly became grim, when I ventured out with my degree, and found I was not ACCEPTED by my Christan family! Why?  Because I didn't look like a traditional Christian. I had piercings and tattoos and I actually genuinely loved people and I was still down to earth.
Every church I attended, to ask for a start of mentor ship, I was always given a list of all the hoops I had to jump through before they would even consider me, including changing my appearance and covering my tattoos and growing out my hair.
It was discouraging to know you have a burning desire to help people, and the very people who were supposed to accept you, don't.
I gave up going to church for many years and did not want to have anything to do with any type of Christians. Christians I have encountered, were judgmental. They wanted everyone to fit the cookie cutter image of the suit and tie and long flowing  dresses,making women look old and unattractive (In my opinion). They wanted people to be perfect and without sin, even though they profess they have sin, and still fall short, they still shunned sinners who sinned the way they've sinned. I didn't fit into the pastoral cliques, where people waited hand and foot on the pastor as if he WAS GOD. I was never one to be a slave to a person.  Woman followed the pastor wives wherever they went hoping some of their Holiness would rub off on them.
I could not be a pastor's pet, which means I never moved up the totem pole of the church world hiarchy, Because sometimes I questioned things instead of saying "yes."
If I was in the inner circle, I was so controlled that I could not make a move without pastors saying so.He'd say, "Jump!" I'd say, "How hi?"  Left me operating below my standards and what I was called to do.
It wasn't until I went to a women's conference in 2005, where I finally made sense of all the madness. I had the opportunity to be at a prophetic conference where a young woman I have never met before told me that  God told her to tell me that I was OK with him, in spite of what people say,or thought I looked like. I was rough around the edges, but God will make those things right, not man. She said I would be great at what I would do to help people. In that moment I realized so many people were wrong about me.
That building does not define my relationship with God and no man do for that matter. I am designed to be a leader and not a follower. I have talents and gifts to offer to the right church at the right time. If they (Church, pastors, and Christians) cannot appreciate it...so what! I am who I am not because of them, but because of God.  I can spread God's love outside of their four walls(the physical church).
I can help people outside the church walls. I listen and love people outside church walls. I am not perfect, never claim to be, but I love God. I live for him and not for any man.
I believe everyone should have a place to worship, however at the expense of losing God given identity for clergy to use and abuse, I'd rather stay home and worship my Lord any day!

What is broken, can't be fixed

I am looking at you
Staring at me
Words are flowing out of your mouth like a stream of lava
steamed hot heat
Your words a mesmerizing
hypnotizing me like a twisted melody you are playing with your lips
I start to tune you out, resisting mind control, as memories of your assaults on my heart plays mini movies running through my mind
As I am viewing these documentaries in my head, I cry inwardly, not outwardly
Don't want you to know you have that type of power over me
I detach myself from you to entertain my own thoughts, while you are speaking.
I am half heartily hearing bits and pieces of your conversation
It amazes me how you perceived the ending of what you claimed was a relationship
Your side seems soo biased
The way you describe how you and I once were, sounds like a novel  from a bestseller
Funny, I don't remember it being that way
I don't remember the plots quite that way,and our good times were far and few between
Oh, you want me to answer the question?
I'm sorry, what was it again?
Can you have me back?
I'm sorry...
NO!
　
　
　
　
　

Restoring Hope

The problem with humanity is we seem to like to put things into categories by the characteristics they share in common, leading to stereotyping or generalisation of a group. We can assess situations better and analyze things more by using a grouping method, however while this may prove to be effective at times, it is also a source of our demise. Grouping a species of flowers is nothing like grouping humans.
The problem with any established government system is they treat people as a whole, or a group, not seeing them as human beings, as an individual person.
Government systems are oppressive to people! All people who are in the system do not want to be in the system. All people living in poverty do not want to live in poverty.
When you look at media, reports in the news papers, and when people speak. I feel hurt, anger, and pity all at the same time when I hear people talk about people in the system,or in poverty like they are unworthy of value. People are experiencing a sense of hopelessness, trying to break the cycles of poverty being in the system.
People are born into poverty. Poverty is an inherited status from birth, and one must try to work against the grain, trying to get out of it. The system does not make this easy.
For every 1 person who tries to beat the system, there are 10 trying to get over on the system, and 50 others who don't care.
But, for the one who cares....left feeling hopeless.
So, should we have a system in place which does not care about the one, because the group as a whole doesn't care? that is the case with the welfare system, or for any other system for that matter. What about the one who wants to break the cycle of poverty and failure?
How do we restore the hope of a hopeless?

words

I stand in bewilderment, consumed with my ardent thoughts of you

 You allow me to articulate the continence of my soul in such a profound way

You have a talent for unlocking abstruse emotions I have inside

 I would cease to exist without you

 My existence would be bleak

  It would be an existence lacking color, taste, with inanimacy

Occasionally you glide off my tongue with the most careful and precise intentions

At times, I am left with pondering, how I could have stopped you from inflicting harm

Once in a while you’re unsure and apprehensive

And sometimes you’re exuberant.

 Radiating  confidence, even I am

impressed with, but it is when you say

Nothing, it becomes alarming

UNINVITED FRIEND

You arrive at my door once a month uninvited
I don't remember extending you an invitation  for your presence
But here you are without fail
You are the friend people never want to see, yet find someway to maneuver your way back in my life when I thought I had finally gotten rid of you
You show up on my door step knocking and I am all too willing to let you in with a half hearted smile
You have the persistence   of a Jehovah witness
Going door, to door, to door
You showed up one day and never left
You wore out your welcome really quickly
I mean, you did leave, but only for a moment
I endure your unwelcomed presence
One week a month, eighty four days out of the year, that is if you are on time, as usual
If you come regularly, oh and if you're not late
You are the sweet, but bitter thing
You never cease to annoy me, you constantly hang around
It is when you don't hang around, I have to worry
It is a catch 22
I put up with you one week out of the year, eighty four days out of the  year
You bring me grief, pain, mood swings, and the appearance of a mini crime scene
But if I don't tolerate you,I will be without you for nine long agonizing months
Left to face the consequences of your disappearance
For 18 long years