Gift of love (My series of thoughts on love)
I have been granted the awesome opportunity as a human being of being a parent.
I have four kids, which over the years, I have tried to find a sense of balance in the mad and twisted world of parenting. There were no manuals given to me to me to follow. No programs I could use to trouble shot, and when you get advice from people all of it seems to be contradicting at times. So, when I was blessed by these lives I had to mold, I wanted to make sure I did right by God by making sure I became the best parent I could be, because after all he LOANED these souls to me. When my children were younger it was soo much easier. The challenges they faced in earlier years are far different from the challenges they face embarking on adulthood, and if that isn't enough times and the economy has put a monkey wrench in my parenting style and program. Keeping your kids off drugs, from selling drugs,from teen pregnancy, and running the streets are increasingly hard challenges for even the best of parents. Kids surroundings these days are negative. Give our young people credit! What is due to them for trying to do the right thing in a world which punishes their efforts. Wrong is easier sometimes and less problematic. Where does a parent's love end and begin? The answer to me, is it should never end. Some people believe when a child is the legal age of 18 they should automatically make sense out of life. Venture off and take care of themselves, provide for themselves, look after themselves, know what to do with themselves, all because they have reached the magic number of 18. I feel we do our youth an injustice when we don't aide(not make dependent) them into adulthood. Being a good parent doesn't say move out you're 18 you need to do this on your own now. Growing up is a process and if we send our children out into a world ill equip, they are doomed to fail as successful adults. You don't automatically know how to do everything which is required of you by becoming 18. A parents jobs are never ending, you don't relinquish your parental rights when your child turns 18. The only thing which changes is the dynamics of your parent son/daughter relationship. The economy is bad enough for those of us who have been grown for years and had practice keeping our heads above water. How much harder do you think it is for those adults just starting out in life. Love your children to give them a chance to go out successfully and be stable. Don't let love end on their 18th birthday.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
I am apart of a Church without walls, a non-denominational Christian
Today's Christian want to feel valued. I personally do not claim a denomination. I am non-denominational, which means one thing, I love and believe in God and possess a relationship with him. Church does not define it. I can't tell you to go or not to go, however I will discuss my own true feelings on this issue. Being, I was raised a Christan , I have grown to love, have respect for, and have a relationship with God (Regardless of what anybody else feels or think, thought I should add that in there).
When I was younger, I wanted to pursue my desire to be a minister of the gospel, so I enrolled in seminary and graduated with a BA in church ministry(Unfortunately the degree is useless to the outside world, equivalent to basket weaving). I also hold a minister's license(ha ha I know I know your laughing, however it is true). I wanted to change the world, and and spread the gospel, because God had done some wonderful things in my life.
I was unloved, molested, raped, neglected, and I wanted to make sure the world knew that there was a God who cares and I am living proof.
My endeavors of becoming a minister had slowly became grim, when I ventured out with my degree, and found I was not ACCEPTED by my Christan family! Why? Because I didn't look like a traditional Christian. I had piercings and tattoos and I actually genuinely loved people and I was still down to earth.
Every church I attended, to ask for a start of mentor ship, I was always given a list of all the hoops I had to jump through before they would even consider me, including changing my appearance and covering my tattoos and growing out my hair.
It was discouraging to know you have a burning desire to help people, and the very people who were supposed to accept you, don't.
I gave up going to church for many years and did not want to have anything to do with any type of Christians. Christians I have encountered, were judgmental. They wanted everyone to fit the cookie cutter image of the suit and tie and long flowing dresses,making women look old and unattractive (In my opinion). They wanted people to be perfect and without sin, even though they profess they have sin, and still fall short, they still shunned sinners who sinned the way they've sinned. I didn't fit into the pastoral cliques, where people waited hand and foot on the pastor as if he WAS GOD. I was never one to be a slave to a person. Woman followed the pastor wives wherever they went hoping some of their Holiness would rub off on them.
I could not be a pastor's pet, which means I never moved up the totem pole of the church world hiarchy, Because sometimes I questioned things instead of saying "yes."
If I was in the inner circle, I was so controlled that I could not make a move without pastors saying so.He'd say, "Jump!" I'd say, "How hi?" Left me operating below my standards and what I was called to do.
It wasn't until I went to a women's conference in 2005, where I finally made sense of all the madness. I had the opportunity to be at a prophetic conference where a young woman I have never met before told me that God told her to tell me that I was OK with him, in spite of what people say,or thought I looked like. I was rough around the edges, but God will make those things right, not man. She said I would be great at what I would do to help people. In that moment I realized so many people were wrong about me.
That building does not define my relationship with God and no man do for that matter. I am designed to be a leader and not a follower. I have talents and gifts to offer to the right church at the right time. If they (Church, pastors, and Christians) cannot appreciate it...so what! I am who I am not because of them, but because of God. I can spread God's love outside of their four walls(the physical church).
I can help people outside the church walls. I listen and love people outside church walls. I am not perfect, never claim to be, but I love God. I live for him and not for any man.
I believe everyone should have a place to worship, however at the expense of losing God given identity for clergy to use and abuse, I'd rather stay home and worship my Lord any day!
When I was younger, I wanted to pursue my desire to be a minister of the gospel, so I enrolled in seminary and graduated with a BA in church ministry(Unfortunately the degree is useless to the outside world, equivalent to basket weaving). I also hold a minister's license(ha ha I know I know your laughing, however it is true). I wanted to change the world, and and spread the gospel, because God had done some wonderful things in my life.
I was unloved, molested, raped, neglected, and I wanted to make sure the world knew that there was a God who cares and I am living proof.
My endeavors of becoming a minister had slowly became grim, when I ventured out with my degree, and found I was not ACCEPTED by my Christan family! Why? Because I didn't look like a traditional Christian. I had piercings and tattoos and I actually genuinely loved people and I was still down to earth.
Every church I attended, to ask for a start of mentor ship, I was always given a list of all the hoops I had to jump through before they would even consider me, including changing my appearance and covering my tattoos and growing out my hair.
It was discouraging to know you have a burning desire to help people, and the very people who were supposed to accept you, don't.
I gave up going to church for many years and did not want to have anything to do with any type of Christians. Christians I have encountered, were judgmental. They wanted everyone to fit the cookie cutter image of the suit and tie and long flowing dresses,making women look old and unattractive (In my opinion). They wanted people to be perfect and without sin, even though they profess they have sin, and still fall short, they still shunned sinners who sinned the way they've sinned. I didn't fit into the pastoral cliques, where people waited hand and foot on the pastor as if he WAS GOD. I was never one to be a slave to a person. Woman followed the pastor wives wherever they went hoping some of their Holiness would rub off on them.
I could not be a pastor's pet, which means I never moved up the totem pole of the church world hiarchy, Because sometimes I questioned things instead of saying "yes."
If I was in the inner circle, I was so controlled that I could not make a move without pastors saying so.He'd say, "Jump!" I'd say, "How hi?" Left me operating below my standards and what I was called to do.
It wasn't until I went to a women's conference in 2005, where I finally made sense of all the madness. I had the opportunity to be at a prophetic conference where a young woman I have never met before told me that God told her to tell me that I was OK with him, in spite of what people say,or thought I looked like. I was rough around the edges, but God will make those things right, not man. She said I would be great at what I would do to help people. In that moment I realized so many people were wrong about me.
That building does not define my relationship with God and no man do for that matter. I am designed to be a leader and not a follower. I have talents and gifts to offer to the right church at the right time. If they (Church, pastors, and Christians) cannot appreciate it...so what! I am who I am not because of them, but because of God. I can spread God's love outside of their four walls(the physical church).
I can help people outside the church walls. I listen and love people outside church walls. I am not perfect, never claim to be, but I love God. I live for him and not for any man.
I believe everyone should have a place to worship, however at the expense of losing God given identity for clergy to use and abuse, I'd rather stay home and worship my Lord any day!
Friday, April 1, 2011
What is broken, can't be fixed
I am looking at you
Staring at me
Words are flowing out of your mouth like a stream of lava
steamed hot heat
Your words a mesmerizing
hypnotizing me like a twisted melody you are playing with your lips
I start to tune you out, resisting mind control, as memories of your assaults on my heart plays mini movies running through my mind
As I am viewing these documentaries in my head, I cry inwardly, not outwardly
Don't want you to know you have that type of power over me
I detach myself from you to entertain my own thoughts, while you are speaking.
I am half heartily hearing bits and pieces of your conversation
It amazes me how you perceived the ending of what you claimed was a relationship
Your side seems soo biased
The way you describe how you and I once were, sounds like a novel from a bestseller
Funny, I don't remember it being that way
I don't remember the plots quite that way,and our good times were far and few between
Oh, you want me to answer the question?
I'm sorry, what was it again?
Can you have me back?
I'm sorry...
NO!
Staring at me
Words are flowing out of your mouth like a stream of lava
steamed hot heat
Your words a mesmerizing
hypnotizing me like a twisted melody you are playing with your lips
I start to tune you out, resisting mind control, as memories of your assaults on my heart plays mini movies running through my mind
As I am viewing these documentaries in my head, I cry inwardly, not outwardly
Don't want you to know you have that type of power over me
I detach myself from you to entertain my own thoughts, while you are speaking.
I am half heartily hearing bits and pieces of your conversation
It amazes me how you perceived the ending of what you claimed was a relationship
Your side seems soo biased
The way you describe how you and I once were, sounds like a novel from a bestseller
Funny, I don't remember it being that way
I don't remember the plots quite that way,and our good times were far and few between
Oh, you want me to answer the question?
I'm sorry, what was it again?
Can you have me back?
I'm sorry...
NO!
Restoring Hope
The problem with humanity is we seem to like to put things into categories by the characteristics they share in common, leading to stereotyping or generalisation of a group. We can assess situations better and analyze things more by using a grouping method, however while this may prove to be effective at times, it is also a source of our demise. Grouping a species of flowers is nothing like grouping humans.
The problem with any established government system is they treat people as a whole, or a group, not seeing them as human beings, as an individual person.
Government systems are oppressive to people! All people who are in the system do not want to be in the system. All people living in poverty do not want to live in poverty.
When you look at media, reports in the news papers, and when people speak. I feel hurt, anger, and pity all at the same time when I hear people talk about people in the system,or in poverty like they are unworthy of value. People are experiencing a sense of hopelessness, trying to break the cycles of poverty being in the system.
People are born into poverty. Poverty is an inherited status from birth, and one must try to work against the grain, trying to get out of it. The system does not make this easy.
For every 1 person who tries to beat the system, there are 10 trying to get over on the system, and 50 others who don't care.
But, for the one who cares....left feeling hopeless.
So, should we have a system in place which does not care about the one, because the group as a whole doesn't care? that is the case with the welfare system, or for any other system for that matter. What about the one who wants to break the cycle of poverty and failure?
How do we restore the hope of a hopeless?
The problem with any established government system is they treat people as a whole, or a group, not seeing them as human beings, as an individual person.
Government systems are oppressive to people! All people who are in the system do not want to be in the system. All people living in poverty do not want to live in poverty.
When you look at media, reports in the news papers, and when people speak. I feel hurt, anger, and pity all at the same time when I hear people talk about people in the system,or in poverty like they are unworthy of value. People are experiencing a sense of hopelessness, trying to break the cycles of poverty being in the system.
People are born into poverty. Poverty is an inherited status from birth, and one must try to work against the grain, trying to get out of it. The system does not make this easy.
For every 1 person who tries to beat the system, there are 10 trying to get over on the system, and 50 others who don't care.
But, for the one who cares....left feeling hopeless.
So, should we have a system in place which does not care about the one, because the group as a whole doesn't care? that is the case with the welfare system, or for any other system for that matter. What about the one who wants to break the cycle of poverty and failure?
How do we restore the hope of a hopeless?
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