pain

"I never loved you, and I never wanted you." He said it once, but I heard it over and over and over again. The anger in his face made tears form in my eyes flooding like dams breaking, crushing my soul into fragments, too small to ever be whole again

Once words leave lips and travel to the ears, its no turning back. In my head I envisioned all the times I told him I loved him and meant it from my heart. All the times I pledged myself to his many causes thinking I proved my love and loyalty to him time, and time again.

Then I held my head to the sky as if to plea to my creator for relief of the pain I felt in my chest, I was almost sure it would kill me. "Lord, I just wanna die this is too much."

I thought about how I fought to keep him with me. How I pleaded for his attention, and constantly craved his affection which with everyday passing became less and less.

Then the realization came to me that...
He was right! He never loved me and he didn't want me.I was just to blinded by my own desires for him.
That day a little more of what made me Luchetta died. I never was the same.

Written by: Luchetta (Cookee)Manus
© 2013